“Well, Hootenanny is the only record of theirs where it seems like they may not make it to the end of the album, so ragged and reckless it is.” A quote from a review of The Replacements' Hootenanny record, but also very apropos for a recent adventure with Baron Von Fancypants on his Hootenanny route.
When we settled on a date for a full Hootenanny with Mr. Pants, one of us texted, “I hope it snows”. While it didn’t snow, as we veered off the tarmac onto the Stony Valley Railroad Grade, the hard-packed snow and ice left in tact by the single-digit temperatures made even the truck’s 4WD feel unstable. In my experience, ride leaders come in two flavors - “the optimist” who lies about how we only have 5 miles to go but there’s actually 10 and “the pessimist” who lies about how we have 10 to go but there’s really only 5, so you’re pleasantly surprised. Point is, they’re all liars.
Start/Finish Location:
Ellendale Trailhead for Stony Valley Rail Trail
2680 Stony Valley Railroad Grade
Dauphin, PA 17018
Mr. Pants declared that the section of "road" between the Ellendale Trailhead parking lot and the start of the Rattling Run Trail was “probably the iciest it’s gonna be”. It wasn’t. After a few hundred yards, we began our ascent of Rattling Run Trail, a 2.8 mile kick in the bits, with 1,128 feet of climbing, an average grade of 7.4%, and periodic steep mounds to prevent erosion of the trail...yet cause erosion of your psyche.
Once at the top, the crunchy snow became ice-covered crunchy snow resulting in Mr. Pants showing us his best penguin impersonation by sliding on his belly into the frozen grass that lined the trail after a graceful dismount, er, ejection from his bicycle. As we recovered and found our comfort riding and laughing our way through the ice, the moon tower came into view. The Stony Mountain Lookout Tower is the tallest structure in State Game Lands No. 211 and protected this wilderness area for decades before a new tower was constructed at another location on the mountain. Most of us climbed the spiraling metal staircase to a glorious view while others snacked and attempted to stay warm.
The next leg took us to what would have been a very rocky and technical descent, but the snow filled the gaps allowing us to float over the terrain as if riding on top of an angry storm cloud, our smiles frozen in place as we regrouped at a sacred meeting place for “People interested in God’s Great Out of Doors.”
After a bit more rigorous descending we arrived at the Stony Valley Rail Trail and headed northwest towards Cold Springs. We arrived at the former site of the Cold Springs Hotel. Professor Pants gave us a history lesson on the former 200-room tourist attraction where visitors enjoyed soaking in the nearby springs, bowling, and dancing. It was destroyed by fire in 1900, but some stone ruins remain.
It was at this point that the cold began to creep in along with the realization that we couldn’t continue onward to Second Mountain. The 14 mile time trial back on the icy rail trail was as brutal for the body as it was for the mind, focused on staying away from ice and the now frozen ruts left by our tires when we rode in.
Back at the parking lot, amidst hugs and high fives, we vowed to return to tackle the full Hootenanny in better weather although I doubt we’ll feel any different about how ragged and reckless it is.
Be sure to follow @baronvonfancypants and @hushmoneybikes if you don’t already do so and keep an eye out for some of their signature events including the Hush Money Hootenanny and Fall Fuck Around.
